A Glitch in the System
I feel like Vanellope—a glitch. I’m the same as everyone else, seeming to be on the same level until the race begins and I’m still behind pushing to my best. On the same level until I suddenly glitch and suddenly everyone backs away. I know deep inside of me I’m a princess; a child of God, but I feel as if I have a glitch that I never realized until now.
It became evident in Accounting; that quiet, slamming moment that showed I was the weakest link in the class. I thought I was on the same level, not understanding the same things that others were. Until I found out that the Chapters I was finding difficult were actually the easiest. I could tell by their expressions how stupid they thought I was. Suddenly I wasn’t among them, I was behind. The professor even seemed to shoulder me when I gave a blank stare of “uuuuuuh” when she would ask me a question. Everyone was rapid as cheetahs with answers…even the ones who were always joking and texting. I took notes! I never pulled my phone out! So why was I so slow! Why when class work was passed out I stared at the paper with fog in my brain and needed my partner’s help?
Even in Ballet, as everyone else grasped so easily to Balance and Pada Boure, the steps left me baffled. I could feel my dyslexic feet not know where to go. The Chaine turns, no matter how hard I tried to spot, no matter how many times I practiced left me dizzy and behind everyone else. My Jete runs were horrible as my left leg would not extend out.
And I had never felt so alone then in that moment in Accounting when someone muttered under her breath I was slacking off and I could feel the ones around her thought the same. I was stupid, an airhead. I was the dumb girl in class. The most blowing feeling when I sensed my partner even doubting me. I was alone.
It’s never happened before, so why is it happening now? The feeling of being left behind, being slow, not executing things as well as everyone else is. Or maybe I’ve always been that way and I was too naïve and young to notice. Maybe.